WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
