If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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