I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
