the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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