May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
