Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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