you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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