The maid of honor just puked.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
