there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
