I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
