I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
