Pregnant stripper...not hot.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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