guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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