I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
