I could have mohawked her pubes.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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