She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
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