i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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