Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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