On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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