You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
