The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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