Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
