I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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