16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Randomize
