Got a toothbrush?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
