what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
