My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
