i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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