I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
