6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
