Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
