I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
