mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
