pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
