i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
