She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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