What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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