She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
