Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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