He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
