he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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