I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
