You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
