your parents love me but you hate me
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
