I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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