You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize