I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
