Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
