My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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