I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
