I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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