he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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