I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
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