I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
