What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
