Your dad touched me again.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
