I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
