Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
