girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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