im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
