Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
