Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
pray to the hookup gods
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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