We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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