My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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