Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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