This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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