We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
