you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
