For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
