He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
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