Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
