Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
