White coat. Heels.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
