Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
