I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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