we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
