i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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