I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
