i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
It was confusing and full of hummus
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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